Recently, I have been worrying about my future. I have never been a fair of the uncertain. I am a fan of plans and not changing them. But with jobs, internships, and the future, I am losing my mind.
I look in the mirror everyday and see more and more gray hairs. I swear that I will be fully gray by the time I am 30. It seems like most people tell me that, “oh it will all work out in the end.” Well that doesn’t make me feel any better.
Ever since I can remember, I am have never dealt with being overwhelmed well at all. On top of that, I have anxiety about the smallest of details. I am also a perfectionist. This is just a recipe for disaster. I remember mistakes that I made years ago like it was just yesterday.
With time, I have learned to cope a little with my anxiety and fear. It still is one of my demons, and I don’t think that I will ever fully be comfortable.
My mind just constantly thinks about what can go wrong, and tells me that I’m not good enough or that I am not going to get what I want in life.
I try my hardest to not let that affect my relationships and friend ships. I have always felt like putting the burden on others is even worse. As a result, I don’t like opening up to other people.
Hopefully in the future, I won’t fret so much about THE FUTURE. Constantly, I try to find tools that will help ease my worry. I actually do think the blogging has helped a lot. I can really figure out what is so troubling. And talking or writing about it, makes it less of a problem.
I plan to keep blogging in the future, I know that for sure. That is one thing that I am not worried about at all.