I am now halfway complete with my undergraduate career. Although that might sound like heaven to an incoming freshman, it is terrifying to me. Soon, I will be in the real world, and I don’t know if I will have a good foundation. I am an extremely indecisive person. So believe my when I say, it took me forever to figure out what I wanted to major in. Even now after I have declared a field of study, I am still uneasy. I have FOMO (fear of missing out) 24/7. In just a semester, I changed my major 3 times. I never felt like I could connect what I wanted to do in the future with a major.
Fortunately, I am now a strategic communication major with a minor in Spanish. Now that might change a couple more times before I actually receive a diploma, but I feel better about it. I have more flexibility in this field, and I can really carve my own path however I want. I could be a publicist, social media manager, brand manager, creative director, or anything else I could dream of. I can work for a small start up or a worldwide brand. The possibilities are endless, and as someone who can’t stick with things to long, that is exactly what I need to feel safer in my decisions.
Unfortunately, I am living at home while attending college. I still feel as though I am a child in high school. Due to personal reasons, I was forced to stay at home for college. I definitely did not see myself in my current position when I was a junior or senior in high school. I thought I would be out in a big city experiencing the world. Instead, I still have to pick my brother up from school everyday. I still make dinner for my entire family. I still sleep in the same room I have been for the last 14 years. I am tired of it.
I try to justify spending my undergraduate career at home by repeating to myself “Just four years. Four years, and you don’t ever have to come back.” What if I never am able to get out? What if I can’t land my dream job or I get sucked up inside of the city? That terrifies me even more.
So here I am. In a limbo. Sitting in class, writing this blog post. I am stuck. My personal bubble is tied to the tracks with a train in sight. Hopefully, I can escape the ropes before the train hits me.